Charming Sweetheart Blog

It is way overdue; and now my girlfriend and I have bought a new bed. All important criteria were considered: it is elegant and large, has the right colour, the mattresses are great, new sheets, and so on.
At night, we are lying in it.

“This new bed is awful.”
“Honey! Just a few hours ago you said it was the most beautiful of all!”

“Yes, it looks great and it´s very comfortable.”
“So what is so awful about it??”

“I am lying on the crack.”
“On which crack??”

“Well, here, between the two mattresses is a crack, and that´s where I´m lying now.”
“Oh, that´s what you mean. And?”

“I don´t like lying on the crack, I´ll fall in!”
“Honey, you´re very thin, but…”

“Look, here, with my elbow, I´m already stuck in it!”
“You can´t be serious now!”

“Yes, I am. If the mattresses move, I´ll be inside!”
“They won´t move! Why don´t you just lie on your side of the bed!”

“But if I lie on my side, I´m so far away from you.”
“Yes, but that´s why we bought THIS large bed!”

“Yes, but I didn´t think that I would have to lie on the crack.”
“Yes, but…Okay. Honey,please watch that you don´t fall into the crack.”

“Very funny! Don´t make fun of me!”
“I don´t want the same happening to you as it did to your potato chip…”

“What?”
“It slipped into the crack in the couch, and is all alone now.”

“You´re not taking me seriously again!”
“If you fall into the bed crack, I´ll take the long vacuum cleaner nozzle, and suck you back out! Haha!”

“You don´t really love me! I´m going to move onto my side…”

[My girlfriend pouts and rolls onto her side of the bed, turns her back towards me and doesn´t say a word. She usually stays this way for 30 seconds when we are having a discussion about something.]

“I can’t go to sleep this way!”
“Really! And now?”

“You have to come over to my side.”
“You mean like we go to sleep every night?”

“Yes.”
“You mean, just as we have done hundreds of nights before?”

“Ye-es.”
“So the crack here is not so bad after all?”

“You have three seconds left!”
“And what happens then??”

“Then I´ll come over to your side and stay there!”
“Oh no, honey, please don´t do that to me!”

“Yes, I will. Two seconds left.”
“You get hotter than a furnace at night, I can´t stand it!”

“This is what we´ll do every night from now on. One second left!”
“Wait, ok, I´m coming!”

“It´s actually quite convenient, this crack. But don´t fall in!”

Women…

This morning my sweetheart can stay in bed a half hour longer; she needs to leave the house later today.
So I get up very quietly and tiptoe out of the bedroom.

“Hey, where are you going??”
“I´m getting up, what else?? Go ahead and sleep, honey.”

“But you can´t get up without cuddling first!”
“I didn´t want to wake you.”

“You know that I always wake up when you get up!”
“Yes, but I thought maybe not today.”

“Come here!” [wildly flailing her arms]
“Okay.”

“It´s not good if you just get up. Then the day already starts bad.”
“But I just didn´t want to wake you?”

“I can sleep later.”
“Oh come on, when your head goes on in the morning, you´re all awake in no time.”

“Why are you getting up now anyway?”
“Ah, because I have to go to work, did you forget??”

“But you could also stay in bed a little longer sometimes.”
“Honey, YOU can do that today, but I can´t.”

“Why not? You´re the boss there?”
“I am not. And anyway I want to get up now.”

“Only 5 more minutes!”
“Oh honey, I…”

“Only 5 more minutes!! Just one cuddle!”
“Ok, but then you´ll let me get up.”

“Yes, then you can go.”
“Thank you, darling…”

[1 minute later...]

“I think I have to go to the bathroom…”
“What? Now??”

“I always have to go to the bathroom when I wake up.”
“But I thought you wanted to sleep longer? “

“Yes, but now I´m awake!”
“I came back into bed just because of you, and now you want to…”

“I need to get up now.”
“What?”

“You can stay in bed! I have to wash my hair anyway…”

My sweetheart is convinced that all mosquitoes of this world are only waiting for her.
This is why all measures must be made to prevent the invasion of the mosquito army into our home.
Fine…

“Is the window in the bedroom closed?”
“No dear, it´s open. To air the room. Like always.”

“But then all the mosquitoes can come in!”
“Was there a mosquito in the bedroom last night??”

“I don´t think I saw one?”
“See.”

“Is the light off?”
“Yes.”

“Then don´t turn it on either, ok?”
“No. We´re not in the room anyway.”

“But don´t even turn on the light when we´re inside!”
“Honey, but when we go to bed, then…”

“No light!”
“Okay. You will organize this tonight, then, okay??”

“It´s easy: Go into the room in the dark, close the window, turn on the light, go to bed, turn off the lights, open the window again.”
“How are you going to open the window if you´re already lying in bed??”

“I´m not, but you are!”
“Why me?? I have to go once around the bed in the dark!”

“But you opened the window and let all the mosquitoes in!”
“I don´t let the mosquitoes in!!”

“Yes you do! And then they bite me!”
“Honey, okay. Well. I will open the window again tonight in the dark.”

“Hm…”
“Then I stumble back into bed around you. Will you be satisfied then!?”

“No.”
“What?? Why not??”

“Because the mosquitoes will all be inside already anyway!”

Women…