Charming Sweetheart Blog

My girlfriend has a very unusual hobby: Shoes.
If only they wouldn’t be so difficult to buy… Look for stores, full and hot, bad personnel, etc.
Now she discovered online shopping on the Internet.

“Honey, how does this work with the Internet?”
“What exactly would you like to do, sweetheart?”

“I found perfect flip flops here, and now?”
“On the Internet?? On which page?”

“Shop Web something www. Looks nice.”
“Ahhh ok. Good. And what´s your question now??”

“Can I order the shoes there somewhere now?”
“Yes, honey. Place them in the shopping cart and continue to the…”

“Your technical mumble-jumble! I´ve never done this before!”
“Oh, ah… sorry, I didn’t know…”

“No, ok, just forget it. I´ll find out myself. So, lets see…”
“Click there on the bottom right…”

“Let me do it! It can´t be that hard.”
“Okay, honey, but if you have questions…”

[My sweetheart immerses herself, and I hear her clicking about 347 times.]

“Hey? Honey?” I have 6 pairs of shoes in my shopping cart now.”
“Nice… Can you order shoe closets there too??”

“No, I mean, I only want one pair! And now?”
“Just delete the shoes you don´t want.”

“But it doesn´t work here. Stupid internet, I knew it!”
“Okay, just take it easy… Enter a 1 instead of the 6 there.”

“Oh, okay, that works. Thanks, now I can do it by myself again.”
“Maybe I should…”

“No, but thank you, honey. Go…!”

[About 10 minute pass without a single click...]

“Hey? Honey?” What is SSL?”
“A coding technology that guarantees that your data is transferred safely.”

“But they don’t even have my data yet!”
“No, but you will have to enter it in just a minute.”

“But I only want to buy shoes, that’s all!”
“Yes, but they do have to be delivered somewhere, don´t they?”

“That´s pretty complicated, I think. So click on order.”
“I leave you alone then again, honey…”

“But you can´t leave now! Help me!”
“But you said you wanted me to…”

“Yes, but now tell me the address of your company.”
“MY COMPANY??”

“They want a delivery address, and I´m never here.”
“Ok, well, then, use this address here…”

“Great! There, and now I only need your credit card.”
“EXCUSE ME?? MY CREDIT CARD??”

“I don´t have one, and you can only order with credit card!”
“Okay, and now I have to pay for YOUR shoes, or what?”

“Come on, they only cost 4.99.”
“Do you mean you´ve been ordering shoes for 4.99 for an entire hour??”

“You can´t get exactly these anywhere else, and it´s only 12.89.”
“Honey, I´m way over 30, please, please, my blood pressure…”

“Well, shipping costs need to be added and…”
“Ok, here, use my credit card… I´ll buy myself a new one.”

“Can you do that??”
“NO! NO, of course not! You can´t buy money either, can you!”

“Oh, too bad. Why are you so mad?”
“Doesn´t matter. Do you have any more questions? HONEY??”

“No. It´s all good! I hope the shoes fit.”
“Why shouldn´t they??”

“They only had them available one size smaller…”

Women…

My girlfriend pays much attention to her appearance. Like all women, she wants to be loved, acknowledged, and praised, and also wants to hear it. Man´s battle for goodwill is often hard, and contains secrets that have still not been discovered in spite of long-standing experience.

“Honey, I´m going to go get groceries now.”
“Ok, darling. Don´t forget to buy milk.”

“Can I go like this?”
“What?”

“I wanted to know if I can go like this. With this white top.”
“Yes, honey, you can. It looks good on you.”

“Well, I never wear white, actually.”
“Oh… Yes, the white one looks good on you too.”

“I had to wear the white one.”
“Why? Ok, let me guess: You don´t have anything else to wear.”

“Yes, I do. I have black and brown clothes. You do like them, don´t you?”
“Yes, honey. Brown is your colour.”

“So you don´t like white so much?”
“Yes, I do, sure. So why did you have to wear THIS top today?”

“Because I´m wearing white underwear today.”
“Ah, why didn´t I think of that myself…”

“You can´t wear black tops then.”
“Ok, fine with me…”

“You don´t notice anything else about me?”

[I freeze when confronted with this terrifying women question, adrenaline rushes into my blood, and my eyes search my girlfriend in an all-telling manner...]

“So, you don´t notice anything?”
“Ah, except the white top… No?”

“Hm…” You don´t notice anything!”

[I know it´s getting critical now! What in devil´s name is different??
If I don´t say something soon, she will erase me like in the  "battleships" game with only a few shots...]

“Nothing??”
“Ah, honey, actually you look just as beautiful as every day…”

“Charmer! That´s not going to work! Your last chance!”

[My life passes before my inner eye in seconds. Until now, everything was good with her, and now this!  The question of all questions, and I messed up. I am finished. The death blow is coming. And it is even justified. I did not notice anything new or different on her!
I am a superficial and blind fool who does not even deserve this woman...]

“Ok, honey, I give up, WHAT is different??”

“Nothing. I just wanted to see whether you still look at me like you used to!”

Women…

My girlfriend has beautiful long dark hair that is streaked with different blonde strands.
Of course - or unfortunately - this requires intensive care.
We are sitting and drinking coffee in the morning and are talking.

“I have a nice tan, don´t I?”
“Honey, very nice tan. But you need to go to the hairdressers soon.”

“Excuse me?” Because of the grown strands?”
“Er…”

“Yes, I guess I do have to go…”
“Well, sometime soon. It´s not urgent yet.”

“But I always wear my hair open on purpose!”
“That´s ok too. But you still see it.”

“Do I look bad?”
“No, but you´re always so careful about your strands.”

“Yes, that´s true. But what should I do now?”
“Go to the hairdresser, honey??”

“Now??”
“Well, no, not right now! Why don´t you make an appointment in the shop next door?!”

“Hm…”
“I through you´ve been there before?”

“Yes, but they made the strands so wide last time.”
“Ok. Isn´t it enough to only dye the part that has grown out?”

“Yes, but they´ll make it so wide again.”
“And a different hairdresser would do it differently?”

“No. Otherwise you would see it.”
“Ok, but then you could just go where you went last time!”

“They never have time.”
“There´s an article in the newspaper with a hairdresser test. Maybe you can find something there?”

“But I can´t go to just any hairdresser with my hair!”
“Well, you´re not supposed to, either, but…”

“I could go on Saturday… Ah, no.”
“What do you mean ah, no?”

“Then I would have to leave you by yourself for two hours on Saturday morning.”
“Oh no! Honey, I´ll survive, really…”

“Where should I go?”
“Why don´t you go to my hairdresser!”

“Thank you, but I like my hair.”
“What is THAT supposed to mean??”

“You always say you don´t even have to wait there.”
“That´s true, and??”

“Then it can´t really be that good there!”
“Oh Lord, give me strength. So what now??”

“Can´t you dye my hair on Saturday?
“What?” Me?

“It´s not so hard at all!”

Women…