The bed with the middle
It is way overdue; and now my girlfriend and I have bought a new bed. All important criteria were considered: it is elegant and large, has the right colour, the mattresses are great, new sheets, and so on.
At night, we are lying in it.
“This new bed is awful.”
“Honey! Just a few hours ago you said it was the most beautiful of all!”
“Yes, it looks great and it´s very comfortable.”
“So what is so awful about it??”
“I am lying on the crack.”
“On which crack??”
“Well, here, between the two mattresses is a crack, and that´s where I´m lying now.”
“Oh, that´s what you mean. And?”
“I don´t like lying on the crack, I´ll fall in!”
“Honey, you´re very thin, but…”
“Look, here, with my elbow, I´m already stuck in it!”
“You can´t be serious now!”
“Yes, I am. If the mattresses move, I´ll be inside!”
“They won´t move! Why don´t you just lie on your side of the bed!”
“But if I lie on my side, I´m so far away from you.”
“Yes, but that´s why we bought THIS large bed!”
“Yes, but I didn´t think that I would have to lie on the crack.”
“Yes, but…Okay. Honey,please watch that you don´t fall into the crack.”
“Very funny! Don´t make fun of me!”
“I don´t want the same happening to you as it did to your potato chip…”
“What?”
“It slipped into the crack in the couch, and is all alone now.”
“You´re not taking me seriously again!”
“If you fall into the bed crack, I´ll take the long vacuum cleaner nozzle, and suck you back out! Haha!”
“You don´t really love me! I´m going to move onto my side…”
[My girlfriend pouts and rolls onto her side of the bed, turns her back towards me and doesn´t say a word. She usually stays this way for 30 seconds when we are having a discussion about something.]
“I can’t go to sleep this way!”
“Really! And now?”
“You have to come over to my side.”
“You mean like we go to sleep every night?”
“Yes.”
“You mean, just as we have done hundreds of nights before?”
“Ye-es.”
“So the crack here is not so bad after all?”
“You have three seconds left!”
“And what happens then??”
“Then I´ll come over to your side and stay there!”
“Oh no, honey, please don´t do that to me!”
“Yes, I will. Two seconds left.”
“You get hotter than a furnace at night, I can´t stand it!”
“This is what we´ll do every night from now on. One second left!”
“Wait, ok, I´m coming!”
“It´s actually quite convenient, this crack. But don´t fall in!”
Women…
August 11th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
I completely agree with your girlfriend, actually: my boyfriend and I slept on two twin beds pushed together for a while, with no kind of bracing on the sides so the mattresses could pretty much come and go as they pleased, and the crack was a real problem. Either we had to hope that the mattresses would be nice and not slide, or both of us would have to try to cram on one side, or just give up and sleep on separate sides of the bed, which wasn’t a lot of fun. :/
And yes, we actually had fallen through it, or at least had elbows, knees, etc. stuck in it. Not fun.
So yes, falling into cracks between mattresses is a real concern.