At the beach
Recreational time at the coast, 34 degrees, a slight breeze is tickling our noses.
Simply lying by the waterside, relaxing, reading, dreaming.
A wonderful time really!
“Hey, the sun umbrella is not really sturdy?”
“It will hold, darling. And it doesn´t go any deeper into the sand.”
“Great, and if it does tip over, it will fall right onto me!”
“It won´t tip over. And you can also lay down on the other side.”
“But then I´ll be in the shade!”
“No, I mean here to the right…”
“But then I´m so far away from you! No!”
“And what do you want me to do now??”
“You have to hold the umbrella.”
“Honey! I can´t hold on to the umbrella the entire time!”
“But if it might tip over anytime I can´t sleep!”
“It won´t tip over! Before that happens, you´ll be blown away.”
“Do you want me to be blown away??”
“No, honey. Of course I don´t.”
“Don´t you want to be at the beach with me?”
“But…”
“…Because I gained so much weight??”
“You didn´t gain weight, you´re thin and very tan.”
“I´m not tan, look here!”
“Honey, a fried chicken would already have trouble having your colour!”
“That´s not true! Do you still love me?”
“Yes, honey. I love you.”
“Then give me a kiss!”
“Yes, honey.”
[I stand up, go around the umbrella to my beloved and want to give her a kiss because I love her so, and she is so heart-melting...]
“Oh man! You put so much sand on my towel with your feet!”
“Honey, I just wanted to kiss you…”
“Now everything is all full of sand, and me too, and now I have to go back into the water!”
“I´m sorry, but I mean, we´re at the beach, and…”
“And I also have to turn off my mobile again!”
“Your mobile??”
“I always turn off my mobile when I go into the water.”
“Ok… But what do you need a mobile here for anyway??”
“Well, if I need to call for help.”
“Call for help??”
“If the umbrella tips over and injures me, for example.”
“Oh, but wouldn´t it be easier just to ask me??”
“You??”
“Yes, me, and anyway, the umbrella does not tip over!”
“But you won´t help me then!”
“EXCUSE ME??”
“I have to go into the water because of you now! I´m going now.”
“Wait, I´ll go with you.”
[We go to the water and stand in it with our feet....]
“But don´t make me wet! I may go into shock then!”
“I´m not doing anything!”
“But you´re looking at me like that again.”
“ME?? I´m just standing here!”
“You wanted to make me wet!”
[My sweetheart quickly bends over and thrusts a huge fountain of cold water onto me, I almost have a heart attack...]
“Haha! Now you´re wet!”
“Thank you, sweetheart, very refreshing… I thought you just said…”
“Oh come on, don´t be a baby, lets go swimming.”
[We go swimming and stand up on a small sandbank...]
“Now it is rather cold, with this wind…”
“Honey, it´s over 30 degrees, you can´t be cold now!”
“Yes, I can, look here, I have goose bumps.”
“Okay, well, then… we better swim back, ok?”
“But don´t push me underwater!”
“Honey, I never did, I didn´t want to…”
“Then I´ll get water in my nose and my hair will get wet!”
“I won´t push you underwater, don´t worry…”
“You have to be nice to me!”
“I´m really being nice to you, honey. Like always.”
“I bet the umbrella was blown away in the meantime.”
“Honey, you´re making me crazy with that silly umbrella!”
“But I can´t see it anymore, look!”
“But we´re a lot farther to the right, there, next to the landing stage!”
“Oh. Good, that I wasn´t lying there.”
“BUT NOTHING HAPPENED!”
“I´m cold. And I have to shake out my towel. And you didn´t give me a kiss either!”
Women…
July 8th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
“Charming sweetheart”? Jesus Christ. Surely you’re joking? She’s about the least charming creature I have ever had the misfortune to come across . . . she strikes me as beyond vile, and I’ve done nothing more than read about her!
My first thought was that this must be a piss-take, but now I’m worried that it’s actually true. You have a girlfriend like that . . . and you love her so much that you actually write a blog about her, CONDONING this behaviour?! She’s a complete pain in the arse! And I speak as a woman! There’s nothing “charming” about her - and no man in his right MIND would consider her to be a “sweetheart”! In my entire life I don’t think I have *ever* come across a woman as demanding, irritating, self-obsessed and childish as this - and I’m assuming that you’re writing with adoring, rose-tinted spectacles, so god knows how much worse she is in real life.
Either you’re genuinely happy with her (in which case you must be a complete drip, so thank god you’re off the market), or this is a desperate attempt to convince yourself that you are, whereas in reality you’re crying yourself to sleep every night (in which case get out while you still can). This girl must be stunningly attractive - no way could she get away with being such a pain otherwise.
Are you aware that she treats you like a lapdog? Like a toy? Like a slave? You are your own person! You don’t have to do her every bidding! Although one could argue that you’re just as bad, because you seem to be WILLING to do it! You must be out of your tiny little mind!
She gives a bad name to women. This blog doesn’t help much in the whole female emancipation argument either. Please, for god’s sake, dump this ridiculous harpy and discover the joys of a two-way relationship.
Herfriend: Robyn, thanks for your comments; but you are wrong. That doesn´t matter because you are right in another thing: I´m off the market.
August 11th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
I’m afraid I have to agree with Robyn (Incedently, are you swedish pop star of With Every Heartbeat fame?).
Of course it’s nice to have a little dependance in a relationship, but is this really healthy? enjoyable? Perhaps you should make an entry about the reasons you feel she is worth it. If this sort of thing goes on so long, you’re only going to be digging yourself into a hole.